SuperUltraMega Punker Jamboree!
by Licking Pennies
Summary: Travis Touchdown, confirmed for Brawl! Why's he here? Why else. He wanna get in Silvia's pants. Though, you know... there are obstacles... some physical, some mental, and some... emotional. Follow Travis in this tale of epic proportions! R&R, PLEASE.
1. SuperUltraMega Punker Jamboree!

I've never done a Super Smash Bros. fanfic before, but it seems like it's gonna be really fun. This is an idea that was planted into my head by my friends, and I loved it. Of course, I don't own Super Smash Brothers in any way, or the characters, or the word 'light saber' or what it implies. Or the game Twister. Here's my best shot, and I hope I can stick to this, too. Anyway, here we go.

Super-Ultra-Mega Punker Jamboree!

The sound of fists and feet swinging, and missiles flying could be heard, as Wario, Captain Falcon, and Samus were brawlin' on the Pokemon Stadium II stage floor. In the split second that followed, three things happened... Samus shot Captain Falcon with a missile, Wario wedged him in with a gaseous explosion, and a rather big motorcycle soared through the air from the right. As the motorcycle was flying, an unknown person was flying through the air... though he did have what looked to be a ghetto light saber. He flew at a diagonal angle and landed behind everyone, and the first word he says here, just like in his game was...

"FUCKHEADS!" was heard, all across the field, echoing a bit...

Once he had yelled that, it took two seconds, but their heads exploded in a gush of blood (Yea, even Samus, even though she's wearing a helmet.), and all of them went flying off the stage to the left. He laughed, and looked around. Where was he, he wondered... Nowhere he'd ever been, that's for sure. Then he looked up and noticed, they were coming back!? What the fuck, man!?

Samus jumped down first, and ran straight up to this grease-hawk haired guy, and then asked him, angrily "What was that, huh!? Who are you!?"

He nodded, looking angrily through his yellow sunglasses, and said, in the most gangsta way ever... "Travis mutha-fuckin' Touchdown."

With that, she pounded him in the face, twice, once with her fist, the other with her arm cannon, and then spinning kicked him, knocking him back, but he skidded to a stop, and by this time, Wario had landed behind him. He smirked menacingly, and whipped around, and slashed two times at Wario, in an X pattern, then kicked him, which he flew back a little, then he did what would essentially be an over-b attack, and did a dashing slash at Samus, but Captain Falcon had landed there, so he got cut, the faint electricity crackling on his beam katana. He obviously didn't charge the attack at all, though. He then ran up to Samus, and stopped right up to her helmet.

"You must be Samus, 'eh? Well, all three of you at once should be a damn good challenge for me, really. Now let's do it... Ms. Cosplay." Travis snickered to her.

He then dash slashed back at Captain Falcon, yelling "Get in my way, will you!?"

That knocked the awesome racer back, and he then ran up to him, and waited until Captain Falcon went to swing at him, to do his down-b, the sliding strafe. Of course, this slows the time for Captain Falcon, and allows Travis to hit him, numerous times, before he launches him away, a bit. Wario decided to come up, and he saw him run up, and again, sliding strafed. He hit Wario up for about 20 hits before knocking him away. He needed his beam katana with a little more flare to it... he switched over from his Blood Berry to his Tsubaki using his B move. He then charged up his dashing slash, as there was a slight kick up of dust, and lots of light blue electricity sparked off on his beam katana. He then slashed forward, and hit Wario AND Captain Falcon, and they both flew back into Samus, and as he ran at her now. He was pretty much met with a fist that knocked him back, then a missile to juggle him. He smacked into the ground, and got up, rather quickly.

Once he did, he was met with Wario's over smash, which sent him flying high into the air, to which he said "Wow... never really been this high... back to the fight, though..." and he sailed back to the ring, flip-slashing Wario as he jumped up to try and juggle him.

Once he landed, he did his over-smash, full force, on Wario, which was a heavy step in slash. Wario went flying, and into SPACESPACeSPAceSPaceSpacespace. Travis then looked up, and saw the timer, and then heard the announcer...

"FIVE! FOUR! THREE..." the voice boomed.

"Who the fuck is that, and what's with the big red numbers in the middle of the air!?" Travis growled...

"...TWO, ONE! TIME!" was the last thing heard on the battlefield.

Apparently this was a two minute brawl (I know, who plays two minute?? Five is the way to go. No Offense...), and gaining four K.O.s, it actually got him 2nd place, behind Samus. Travis sat up against Schpeltiger, his motorcycle, and didn't even clap, like the other two losers behind him. After all the clapping, and K.O. reading was done, he stood up, and moved over to Samus.

"You sound like a chick, are you? I mean, jeez, you would make a rather good assassin." He said it like it was matter-of-fact.

Samus gave him a rather annoyed look, but he couldn't see it through her visor... "Yea, I am, a 'chick' as you say, though you better check yourself, before I beat the crap out of you."

As she began to walk away, he started walking with her, asking "What was all that back there... you guys should've been dead... not that I wanted that, or anything..."

Samus retracted her helmet, and sighed a bit... "That was a brawl... by the sound of it, and how you entered, it sounds like you're just an intruder coming into this. Would Nintendo even let a loud-mouthed peon like you into this?"

He totally ignored that comment, and asked "What do we do when there aren't any brawls...?"

Travis had to admit... she was damn hot. Samus opened the door to the stadium, and swept an arm out the door, saying "Well, whatever you want. I mean, you do know, this is our vacation time, actually. You should try to make some friends. Pffftt, like i'll ever be your friend, though..."

Travis hunched his shoulders and looked around. The outside world, he guessed... or at least where they all would be staying... once Samus started walking off, he took time to admire the flowers, bright and colorful. The trees, tall and healthy... the grass, green and rather bushy. It was great, really... he then took out a paper, and began to look it over. He read down the list, and he saw Samus was pretty high on his list. Number five, actually. He gave another shrug, and folded the paper back up, and stuck it in his pocket again. What was with this secret agenda? Or should I say, the only agenda?

He poiked back to reality, though, and yelled after Samus "Hey, is there a place to stay around here!?"

She turned around from where she was, and gave an annoyed sigh to herself, then called to him "Fine, follow me!"

Travis nodded, and the climbed onto Schpeltiger, and started it up. His motorcycle roared up next to her, and after a fifteen minute drive into town, she had pretty much told him about the plethora of places where he could stay and whatnot. Of course, he wanted to know where everyone else was staying. She reluctantly told him about the mansion that everyone stays in... jeez, she wanted him to pick one of the hotels on the outskirts of town. Now, she directed him to the mansion, now that he knew about it, and whatnot...

As she got off the motorcycle, she said to him, a slight biting tone "This bike is blatant overcompensation, you know..."

"Damn, these some nice digs..." Travis said in wonder, ignoring the comment Samus had said, as he entered the main foyer...

Wario had obviously taken off immediately after the match, 'cause he already walked past Travis in a robe, eating some cake, saying "Yea, I know... ain't it the life, man?"

Travis was about to run off, and enjoy everything the mansion has to offer, but a firm hand grabbed his bright red leather jacket... "Hold on there. Who are you, and why haven't I seen you before?"

Travis turned around, and was met with none other than Snake, to which he said "I'm Travis Touchdown, and maybe you just didn't look hard enough, Mulletman."

He said, in an attempt to hold back his anger "My name is Snake. Get it right, Travis. I look forward to meeting you on the stage."

With that, he shoved Travis in his left shoulder, which made him almost spin around, and trip and fall flat on his face. He growled a little as he watched Snake walk away... wow, 5 seconds, and he already didn't like the guy. He especially didn't like that guy's mullet... EWWWW, MULLET! (Apologies are due to those who still think the mullet is cool, thank you.)

"Travis, I hope you leave soon... i'm going to change out of this suit... don't need it right now..." Samus told him... besides, she was deadlier with it off, really.

Travis raised a brow, and watched her leave, then gave a sigh. Wow, this place seems so great, but there are always haters... he wondered how many more he would meet. He went and began to head up the stairs, as he wondered how long it would take him to find an empty room, and take it over... OH! He just remembered! He ran back down the steps, and headed over to his motorcycle, and pulled two suitcases off of it. He then began dashing back up the stairs with his suitcases, going to the third floor. He strolled down the third floor corridors, and began kicking doors open... the first door, an angry vocalization could be heard...

"Hey, who are you, room service!?" grunted Donkey Kong...

"AHHHH, TALKING APE! ...Or gorilla. AHHHHH!!" Travis yelled, and slammed the door...

He had to think to himself... he did meet a chick in some whacked out armor, a dude dressed like he was in the 80's, a fat midget, and a crazy mullet guy... who could rule a talking ape or gorilla out of it? He let the initial shock of it all set in, and then calmed down... Silvia really should have given him more info on more people. He only knows something about a couple of people. Anyway, he moved on to the door across the hall, and kicked that one open...

"Close the door... come in, if you... want some..." said Luigi, as he was taking some hits of acid, while watching The Beatles Yellow Submarine cartoon.

Travis just raised a brow, and softly closed the door, saying to himself "Wow, and they said I don't belong here..."

With that, he went, and headed further down the hallway, past a few doors, and kicked in another, at random, feeling kind of confident about this door, and whatnot, as he held his breath in hope that wasn't nobody in this room at all...

"Heya, wanna join in this game of Twister?" Captain Falcon asked, as he, Marth, Ganondorf, and Link were all tied up in a man-pretzel.

Travis yelled out "What the fuck!? No!" and slammed the door, and shook his head...

He then went down the hall to yet another door, and uttered a short prayer, hoping to god that nobody was in this door, either... he then kicked it open swiftly, and pause for a second... he then said two words, before anything else was even uttered...

"Oh. Shit." were those two words.

"YOU PERVERTED PIECE OF CRAP!!" and Samus, zero suit now, flew through the air, flying kicking Travis in his jaw, up against the wall...

Travis almost blacked out, but he looked her over... wow, she certainly was a chick. A really really hot chick... anyway... "I just wanna... find a... room..."

She gave a small huff, then said to him coldly "Fine. Let's go."

With that said, she forcefully jerked him to his feet, and they began a little further down the hallway, and opened a door on the other side of the hallway. She jerked her head towards the room, pretty much telling him to get in there. He moved inside and turned on the lights... of course the room was fully furnished, rather nicely, like the other rooms had been. He set his suitcases down, and turned around to Samus, with a look on his face as if to say 'I actually get all this? Wow...' and went to the window.

"Don't go around kicking doors in, least you really want to die..." and she gave a 'hmph', and began down the hall.

Travis went over, and sat on the bed, then laid back, looking at the ceiling, and saying to himself "Hot as lava, yet hard as a diamond... and a demeanor as twice as cold as one in a fridge... I gotta try to get on her good side, yea..."

He took a minute or two to think of what it'd be like to get into them pants... then he shrugged himself off, back into reality, and pulled out that piece of paper. He looked at it, and then skimmed his eyes all the way to the bottom...

"Ok... so the first 12 are the ones that really matter..." as his eyes moved up to the top 12 in red.

He said their names, from first to last... "Mario, Sonic, Snake, Link, Samus, Ike, Marth, Peach, Bowser, Zelda, Ganondorf, Captain Falcon... shit, this is gonna be a bitch... perhaps I should warm up, first..."

He gave a slight yawn, then started to wonder what kinda fun activities the mansion might have to offer... so he got up, and went down the hall, to the door he knew all too well. He then thought about it for a minute, and whatnot... he really had to ponder it, and he went to knock on her door, but she opened it up, rather quickly, not caring who was there. The door busted his nose though, as he stepped back holding it, looking at an angry Samus...

"Why don't you bother anyone else? What do you want this time? You better say it on the go, by the way." she told him this bluntly, as she started walking down the hallway.

"Well, uhhh... I was ummm... wondering what kind of fun activities there were... around..." he followed her, his eyes plastered to her switching rump...

She stopped at that one door... that ONE door that Travis really didn't feel like going in again... "You first, Touchdown. Open it, and quit staring at my ass, will you?"

He jumped a little, at how coldly she said it, and nodded, opening the door... from within, Captain Falcon called out "Heya, new guy, you came back to play!"

Travis shuddered at that, but Samus stepped forcefully in front of him, and said "Hey guys, wanna go and hit the bar?"

They all looked at each other, and shrugged, then all got up, heading out of the room, and now all these people started down the hall and down the steps. They were pretty much gonna hit the town, as Samus started talking to some guy in one of those cheap suits, and he threw her a set of keys. She walked over to a pimped out SUV, and clicked the button for the alarm to turn off, then climbed in it, as she had called over to the rest of the crew.

"Is everyone riding with me, or are you gonna go on your motorcycle, Touchdown?" she asked in such a threatening way...

"I'll take my Schpeltiger..." and he gave a sigh and jumped on his bike, starting it up, the engine roaring loud and powerful, and whatnot.

This should be interesting. He wanted to warm up on some characters who weren't near the top of the list first, to measure the skill that the top listers might actually have. He had Captain Falcon and Ganondorf coming with him tonight, so he might actually have to go for offing them. He'd be that much closer to getting Silvia's snatch... though thinking about it, Samus was quite a degree hotter. Though he couldn't stop, he had to uphold his standing, as number one assassin in the UAA... welp, here's to the start of one crazy night!

End of Chapter One

Author Notes: I think this first chapter isn't all that bad. I hope I also get some reviews out of this, and whatnot. Anyway, I can't wait to type up chapter two! Chapter two, the inevitable fight with Captain Falcon and Ganondorf!


	2. Yes, I Would Like A Fuzzy Navel

You read the disclaimer already, I shouldn't have to write another. You know what I own and don't own... in this case, I don't own anything, really... except the plot, I guess you could say. So that's about it. Lets get this damn thing started!

Super-Ultra-Mega Punker Jamboree!: Yea, I'd Like A Fuzzy Navel...

As Travis sped down the city streets on his Schpeltiger, he kept the SUV in his sights, so he wouldn't lose them. Actually, it seemed like Samus was trying to lose him, anyway. After a rather hurried chase through the streets and whatnot, they finally make it to the bar. Travis looked up at it, with confusion in his eyes... jeez, it looked weird. It looked more like a giant crazy rocket ship, or diner. Were they really gonna go in that place!?

"C'mon, get a move on, if you're coming." Samus said to him simply, as she and the guys walked past him.

Travis snapped out of his indecision, and followed in, mumbling "What the fuck is with this place, anyway?"

As he stepped in, Samus told him simply "Actually, Olimar owns this place. That's why it's the way it is..."

When he looked around, the place was actually freakin' huge, and dark and dusky like a bar should be. He saw many crazy, colorful people doing many things he thought Nintendo would not condone. Well, Captain Falcon and Marth went over to Wario, and they all started slamming down some shots that Wario had ordered for them all beforehand. Link of course started talking with Zelda, who already looked like she was plastered. Of course that would mean if Link kept his head clear and mostly alcohol free, he'd be able to gracefully get her into the sack. Ganondorf just went and sat at the bar, ordering what looked like... an appletini. Jeez, never woulda guessed that.

"Welp... think i'll go get something myself..." Travis said coolly...

He went to the bar, and sat on one of the stools... he then ordered scotch on the rocks... and pretty much sat back, turning around and looking at everyone. There was Sonic and Mario, who were sitting at the edge of the bar, slamming them down, Tails there pestering Sonic, himself...

"Sonic... aren't you like... 15 or 16? That is NOT legal..." Tails whined and bitched...

Sonic gave Tails a rather scornful look, and said "Shut up, Tails, really no age limit here. Now shut up and have a drink."

With that, Sonic shoved shot-glass after shot-glass of straight vodka at Tails, who would look at them distastefully, and slam them down, his face puckering. Of course if Tails was allowed to be around, Amy was around too... she was slinking around the bar, keeping tight tabs on Sonic, to see if she could get a drunken Sonic into the act of agreeing to be her man. See, getting Sonic in bed wasn't the hard part, it was tricking him into committing. That's the hard part with most dudes, actually. On another note, Luigi was wafting around the dusky stale air, eyes low and bloodshot, as he was making deals here and there. Brother's shadow my ass. Luigi be makin' that paper. Travis of course was digesting all these small portions of the vice that laid backstage of the SSB venture. He couldn't help but grin, as he went over to Peach...

"Hey there... whatchu up to, hmmm?" he gave a seemingly smooth facade as he glided over...

"Just having a few drinks, that's all... what about you, newbie? I'm Peach. Princess Peach. See you're a little dry there." Peach spoke with a sweet soft accent, that massaged his ears in a certain way, and she also smelled lovely... not only that, she was a total dime!

He had to think quickly though... if he got drunk, he wouldn't be able to take care of Captain Falcon and Ganondorf at all... "Travis Touchdown. Well, I gotta drive myself, and whatnot..."

"Nonsense! Drink with me, cutie..." and she blew a kiss at him, and asked him what he'd have...

Travis thought quick on his feet again... though it may jeopardize his chances with her, too... "I would like... a fuzzy navel."

She kinda gave him an odd look, but shrugged it off anyway. "Well ok then... BARTENDER!"

Ike himself came over to them, and asked simply "What can I help ya with?"

Yes, yes... Ike works for Olimar. Ain't that cool? Maybe not, depends on how ya see it. Anyway, Peach told him to make up a fuzzy navel and some gin and orange juice. Mmmhmm. Sippin' on gin and juice, baby. Ike pretty much got 'em made up, and kinda handed Peach the fuzzy navel and Travis the gin and juice. Peach quickly switched them, which got a slight chuckle from Ike. Peach really didn't think Travis wanted to part though, as they sat and sipped their drinks, so...

Peach spoke up, to Ike "Ike, get this man some absinthe."

Travis looked over at her, in surprise "Shit, wanna flatten me, don't you!?"

"I only want you a 'lil loose. Oh, won't you have some, for me...?" She used the power of female seduction once more...

Upon hearing this, Travis shrugged and then totally gave in, waiting for his absinthe... in fact, he was watching Ike do the preparation and everything. He saw what it was first, a naturally green drink, looking like it was rather strong, then he watched Ike put the absinthe spoon on the glass, and put the sugar cube on it. That's when he started pouring the ice cold water over it, and the substance turned milky looking green. Once he was done, he handed it to Travis, and Travis looked at it, as if it would destroy him if he tipped the glass to his lips...

"Try it... you'll love it..." she persuaded him with luscious, pouting lips.

Travis began to slowly drink this crazy drink, as Peach was sipping on her gin and juice. They sat, and talked for a while, and Travis had actually finished his absinthe... and boy was he plastered. Though it was odd... he was plastered in more of an... open-minded, answer finding way. He looked around the bar, as he and Peach talked, and then noticed that Captain Falcon was heading for the door...

"Excuse me, Peach, dear... I must... oooh... go take care of some business." he had turned to her and said this to her best he could.

He then got up, and began for the door, and really hoped Peach was not watching him, as he grabbed Ganondorf's shoulder, and pulled him off his stool and outside with him and Captain Falcon. As the two of them stepped outside, Captain Falcon could be seen over in a corner of the alleyway, taking a piss and singing Invoke by T.M. Revolution, in perfect Japanese, oddly. Ganondorf was clearly confused, and tanked as well... they were three drunk guys in the alley of a bar, pretty much. Really, only one of them knew what was really going on. Well, if he did understand, that is. Absinthe is pretty damn powerful, you know. Even odder, Captain Falcon's stream was still going, and now he was singing Drop by Timbaland and Magoo. Once he was done, he turned around and looked at the two, who seemed to be staring at each other, though they were both swaying and trying to look angry.

"What th' hell're you guys doin' in my bathroom...?" this comment was compliments of a shit-faced Captain Falcon.

Travis pointed at the general directions he thought they were both in, though he felt like his balls were in a ball pit at McDonalds... "I'm here to... kill you guys..."

Ganondorf pointed, and gave a drunken growl "Well, how 'bout I... steak you, huh!?"

Travis had to stop and think about that last comment... what the hell did that mean!? Did Ganondorf just seriously say to steak him? Jesus, good thing he heard that. Either way, he took out his beam katana, and flared it on, with a drunken serious look on his face. Captain Falcon just shrugs, and then...

"FALCON... PUUUUNCH!" though he totally whiffed them both... like, epic whiff.

Travis had a clearly dumbfounded wasted face on, as he dashed at Captain Falcon in a rather zip-zaggy line, and ended up half slashing an innocent garbage can. Yes, half slashing, because it was so limp of a swing, his beam katana got stuck in it, as Ganondorf just started wildly swinging... actually, he clopped Captain Falcon upside the head and kicked him in the shin...

"Eeerrrr, Ganon...dorf... we're on the same team... HE wants to kill US..." upon saying this, he actually did start running for Travis...

Once he got there, Travis fell backward, pulling his beam katana out, and safely eluding the crazy two kicks he just got out of the way of. Travis kinda haphazardly swung on Captain Falcon, though his depth perception wasn't anything to be hailing right now, so it gracefully made whoosh sounds in front of his face. Though Travis did happen to kick that same sliced-into trash can at Ganondorf, who was coming up, and it got him in the forehead. That caused Ganondorf to pretty much stumble and fall on his ass. Really, all this fumbling and faggotry went on for 15 more minutes, until Captain Falcon was lain against the trash can, panting. Ganondorf was in the corner pissing now, singing Gravity's Rainbow by The Klaxons, in the exact voice. Travis was sitting against the wall, pretty much taking a break.

"What are you buffoons out here doing!?" That sounded like Samus...

Ganondorf yelled from the corner "Oi, you interrupted my song!"

She told them all sternly "I don't care if I interrupted your orgy, i'm taking you guys home. You're all plenty plastered, even you, Travis. Well, especially you."

Travis argued with her "What do... you mean? I'm fine! The world looks beautiful, and so do Ganondorf."

Of course, they were about to say something, but Samus grabbed Ganondorf by the wrist, Captain Falcon by the collar, and simply commanded Travis... "You better start moving."

As they went inside, they got quite a couple of stares, and whatnot. It looked rather funny, though it wasn't surprising that Samus was bossing these men with ease. Peach watched all this, and jumped out of her seat, stumbling a little. She pretty much marched up to Samus, as intimidatingly as she could, and looked her down, drunken eye to cold, angry eye.

"He may have came with you, but he doesn't have to leave with you." She said it to her bluntly.

Samus gave a look of annoyance, and growled "Move out of my way, before I make my way through you. Go love on Mario, or Bowser, or whoever your kick is nowadays..."

Peach poked Samus in the boob as she spat "Well, I just want to hang out with Travis, ok!? You came with enough guys, i'm just gonna take this one off your hands!"

A wall of gasps came up in the bar, as Samus looked wide-eyed at the princess... "I am NOT arguing over THIS."

With that, she pretty much pushed Travis into Peach, and took the rest of the guys home. Peach and Travis had a rather fun time with the rest of the night, telling each other stories, pushing Pit around, and Peach dancing on top of the bar. With their fun done, they'd need a designated driver, or something... but who...

"Hey Sora, drive us home! So funny, I didn't even know Sora was with Nintendo..." Travis called out through the bar.

"Damn it, I am not Sora! My name is Pit, and I look nothing like this SORA you keep speaking of! You know what? The fight is on!" Pit sounded so peeved.

Travis flat out decreed to him "No it's not. Shut up. Now, can we get a ride?"

Pit sighed a little "I flew here, ask somebody else..."

Travis took a second to think... Schpeltiger was parked here, so how would it get home? He'd need to find someone who probably knows how to ride motorcycles to take them home on his bike, because his huge bike could fit three, easy. He began looking around the bar trying to find someone... at that moment, Peach jumped up in front of Travis, which frightened him, actually. She looked quite excited... perhaps she had an answer to their problem...

"Travis, he'll ride us on your bike!" Peach giggled this, as she pointed behind her.

Travis looked behind her, then grumbled "Oh noooo..."

A deep, cool, awesome voice said to them "Oh... it's you. I'll still drive you. Can't have you dying before I humiliate you..."

Travis quickly moved past Peach, and into Snake's face, pointing a lone finger at him "I'ma scalp you and sell your hair to a bald redneck. Then the full redneck illusion would be complete, you inbred, mullet-having, full body condom suit wearing mother fucker."

Snake simply replied, dead serious "I know you are, but what am I?"

Travis was struck speechless... did Snake seriously just say that? With that, Travis simply pointed towards the door and threw an arm around Peach's waist. Snake ran a hand through his totally awesome mullet (because Solid Snake is the only dude who can even pull it off.) and moving towards the door himself. Once they made it out of there, the three got on the huge motorcycle, known as Schpeltiger and took off back to the mansion. After Travis took Peach to his room, they talked more about their experiences, and all that. Then, there was a knock on the door... it was faint, too...

"Yea, come in, I ain't doin' nothin' wrong... yet..." Travis told whomever was at the door as he hugged and cuddled Peach as she giggled like a schoolgirl.

Samus opened up the door, and saw this, then pretty much said "Yea, sorry for throwing you at her. Though you're pretty good at it yourself."

"Samus, what's the matter? Why do you care?" Travis had to ask quickly, before she tried to slam the door.

Samus, looking rather angry, said "I know I said i'd never be your friend, but tonight I was trying to be, but you blew me off before our friendship could really begin. So what i'm not the cuddliest and cutest. I'm rough around the edges, so what? Anyway, i'm gonna just go."

That's when she did slam the door. Travis kinda stared at it for like 10 seconds... Samus had really tried to be his friend? That must be why she was looking out for his wellbeing and all. Travis looked over at Peach, and really thought about it... this was all a booty call, most likely. Drunk person(s) alone in a room, holding and feeling on each other... you know where it was headed... it seemed like Samus was really mad at him... it felt like he should go check, just in case.

"Peach... I'll be right back, ok?" Travis told her this with a deep sigh...

She nodded her head, and pulled her knees to her chest, watching him leave the room... Travis headed down the hall to that one door... so he knocked... and WHAM! In the nose again. Samus had open up that door, full swing again, not caring who was at it, or caring about their well being at all...

"Oh. Travis..." She did want to say more, but she simply did not.

Travis pushed Samus into her room, and bombarded in, too... "Samus, tell me, why did me going for a booty call bother you...?

Samus gave a sigh "Well, friends try to stop friends from making mistakes... if you would've fallen for Peach... you wouldn't have gotten her, I can tell you right now. She doesn't stick with anyone as a lover, really. She's friends with Mario, you know... good friends, but friends nonetheless. Luigi isn't a contest. She and Bowser certainly aren't an item. Travis, she would've just been a drunk booty call. No matter how you would feel in the end."

Travis kinda stood there, looking a little shocked behind his yellow sunglasses... "That... was really deep. Are you even in character to say that? Is the writer slipping?"

Samus quickly told Travis "Quit breaking the fourth wall... it's all me... I just don't want you to do anything more stupid than you already have. 'Cause you're always doing something stupid Travis. I guess that's what makes you kinda cool..."

Travis snickered a little, and told her "Someone watches a little too much FLCL."

He patted her on the shoulder, and gave her a cool smirk. That was nice of her to let him know not to get hurt messing around with Peach. He'd keep it at a booty call, and that's about it. Perhaps he'd only catch Peach drunk, heh... Good to know, though. When he went to go out the door, he stopped and turned around, with a smirk on his face...

"You're still the best woman around here in my opinion. Don't let that go to your head." He snickered...

Samus smirked back at him... "Just get somewhere, you cool jerk."

Travis laughed heartily as he doodley doo'ed out the door... he got back to his room, and went in, coming back to Peach. She was looking at him with wide, pure eyes, even though she was drunk. He sat down on the bed, and wrapped his arms around her, and tried to remember... don't get in too deep. He smiled, and played with her hair, and rubbed her softly, which led into one thing, which led into another, and you can pretty much guess how it all ended up, and whatnot. For another day, I guess... for another day...

"I AM THE NIGHT!" Batman just flew out of view... bye bye, Batman...

End Of Ch. 2

Well, who knows what's gonna happen next? I just hope I get some reviews. Alright, peace, and goodnight!


	3. How's Your Mind?

You all understand the terms of a disclaimer by now. I own nothing except for the plot and whatnot. Alright, let's do it.

Super-Ultra-Mega Punker Jamboree!: How's Your Mind?

Dawn came on the Smash Mansion, and the birds were outside singing, in their pleasure of life... Travis sat up in bed, stretching and giving a long yawn. He sat looking at the wall for all of five seconds, then he looked beside himself in the bed... he was looking at some bushy, messy blonde hair... the lady whom he'd been with last night obviously had turned over. He softly shook her, to wake her up, and she turned over, giving a soft, cute yawn of her own...

"Good morning... Travis..." Peach said to him, half asleep.

Travis looked over at Peach... "Mornin' Peach..."

With that, he leaned over and kissed her on her lips, softly... and laid back down. Peach then woke all the way up, but she didn't scream. Not at all... she kinda laid down again, next to him, and wrapped her arms around him, and he did the same thing.

Peach said softly, quietly, in a lovely tone "Travis... if I can sneak to my room... don't tell anyone about this... ok?"

He leaned over, and gave her another soft kiss "My lips are sealed, Peach..."

He got out of the bed now, and looked out the huge window of his room, at the wonderful view... he scratched his nuts, and stretched a little more. He went and grabbed a robe out of his closet, and went out of his room door, practically bumping into Ike.

"Hey, you're Travis Touchdown, aren't ya? I'm Ike. Yea, you've become kinda famous, now..." Ike chimed happily... obviously a morning person.

Travis gave him a strange look "Wait, why am I famous, now?"

Ike snickered a little "Well... you banged Peach. Only like... 4 or 5 guys, including you. In one night too, jeez. Did that absinthe help?"

Once he said that, it clicked in his head, as to who he was! "Oh, the bartender! Yea, Ike. Surprisingly, it did. Dude, that shit was bangin'. Oh... and don't tell nobody that I banged Peach."

"Well, ya see... a couple of people already know... yea, context clues are a bitch, ain't they?" Ike rambled on with this, casually...

Travis almost full-force yelled "You're kidding me! Awww damn... tell them all to be quiet..."

The door to Travis' room burst open, and Peach looked at them both, half-eyed... then wide-eyed "I really should have listened a little closer, shouldn't I?"

"Quick, go. Ike is cool about all of it." Travis quickly explained.

Peach nodded, and ran down the hall in one of the robes Travis brought, with all her clothes balled up in her arms. It actually was kinda cute, really. Ike and Travis kinda laughed as they watched... they just couldn't help themselves, actually. After Peach was out of sight, Travis gave a shrug, and began off towards the one of the bathrooms on this floor. Once he got there, he noticed... the line was a lot shorter than you think it should be in the morning. He... awww man... knelt down and tapped Kirby on the shoulder, who turned around and looked up at him.

"What's the deal? If this is like... the only bathroom up here, why is this line so short?"

Kirby, who actually had more of a Clark Gable quality to his voice, said "Dude... this isn't the only bathroom. Actually, there should be one in your room."

Travis raised an eyebrow... then asked "Why're you guys here, then?"

"Well, 'cause we ain't afraid of public nudity." Kirby laughed about it, warmly.

He blinked, in a disturbed manner, then just threw his arms up, and went back to his room, now. Jesus, so that's what that room that he hadn't went into was. He really should scope out his surroundings more. Though that wasn't in the nature of He, who is Travis Touchdown. So with that, he the got shower ready, and jumped in, pretty much. After he took his shower, he got dressed, and made the bed, looking out the window as he did... he wondered what would happen today. Only one day in the mansion, and it's already been interesting... just what else could happen? With that inkling hanging in the air, the TV that was in his room all of a sudden turned on, which startled him. A rather bold, dashing voice came from over the TV, which wasn't the normal announcer.

"There's a morning brawl, going on in Final Destination, at around 11:35. The competitors for this will be Luigi, Falco, Travis Touchdown, and Kirby. That's all. This has been Master Hand... take care, and good luck." ...And with that, the voice subsided.

Travis had drifted off a bit, wondering if Master Hand was just some guy who was a beast at fisting, but then shook those thoughts out of his head. He had a fight? YES! AWESOME! Wait a second... what time was it? He looked over at the clock and noted that it was 8:45... he's got a little time. So the question now is... what to do, huh? He left his room, taking out a cigarette, and sparking it up, and walking down the hall, looking like some punker thug. Of course, he felt a rumbly in his tumbly, so he went to a random door, actually, and knocked, waiting...

A high, kind of valley-boyish voice answered "Yea?"

Travis went to look straight ahead... nah, that didn't work, so he looked down a little, to see Sonic. "Oh... heya. Where's the kitchen, i'm hungry, man..."

Sonic nodded and went out of his door, closing it lightly... he did have a hangover, he was just REALLY good at hiding it... "Alright... follow me, i'll take ya."

They began to walk down the hall now, the oddest events Travis may have ever seen, happening here. Crazy red, white polka-dotted plants were bursting from a few rooms, and they looked hungry. He also saw huge green pipes here and there... but decided he wouldn't ask anybody, 'cause they might be sewage pipes, and that'd just be plain nasty. He also noticed when he looked down... he was walking next to... walking bombs... with faces... yeeeaaa. Maybe he should get some of Luigi's stash, just so he won't think he's so crazy...

Once they got downstairs, Sonic said coolly "I'm fairly new too, but I got a tour... soooo... I guess I should take you all the way, instead of just giving instructions..."

Sonic began leading Travis again, who was still watching many things going on, stepping around fireballs with faces, and simply examining the... moving mushrooms. Jeez, no wonder Luigi was rollin' in that paper around here... once they finally got to the kitchen, Sonic stumbled a little... then just patted Travis on the back, walking away now...

"Ok... I hope the food isn't weird around here, at least..." and he went and sat at the huge table...

The voice behind him scared him a bit "Whatchu want?"

Travis turned around to see... well, really, he didn't know who that was. "Some pancakes and coffee?"

The rather odd, and starry-eyed lady said charismatically "Ok, just wait here!"

With that, she took off, Travis simply staring, his cigarette still blazing... she certainly was excited to cook his breakfast, wasn't she? At least there was some lady that was... as he sat there, he noticed other people filing in, probably to get some breakfast... maybe just converse with each other. Samus went, and sat beside him, in zero suit... he looked over, and then noticed she was there, giving a slight jump, and holding himself, afraid she was going to slug him.

"Samus, ahhhh! I mean, ah, heya." She had him shook...

She raised a brow, no smile on her face, then shoved him "Hope you're not attached to her... right?"

Travis shrugged a bit, and mumbled "I dunno. I wasn't thinking about her. Just the fact that I get to fight."

Peach did come in though, and she sat a few seats away from Travis and Samus, as the rather ecstatic woman brought Travis' pancakes and coffee, saying sweetly "You had the first order of the day... now the real work comes!"

Travis looked down at Peach, as Samus began to order... the morning after wasn't like any morning after he'd ever had... though he'd never had many... but they were always just three things... wake up, get dressed, and say goodbye. Those three things kinda happened... but so differently... perhaps it was how sweet she looked, but he had kissed her and woken her up, and all. Maybe Samus was right though, so he ripped his gaze from her, but in turn, hers' landed on him...

Peach was about to speak up, to Travis, but Mario came and sat next to her, saying "Mornin' Peach. How's my princess today, hmmm?"

Peach was off in space now... what was she gonna say again? Was it important? Probably not. She hadn't even heard Mario really... she'd just heard his voice, but nothing he said... she turned to him after a couple of minutes... "What?"

Mario squinted a little, then asked slowly "What's... going on, Peach?"

She ran a hand through her hair, and sighed "Nothing. Nothing at all."

So what Travis had been rather sweet the morning after... Mario did it all the time. Maybe it was just the fact that Travis... well, he took the absinthe like a man, and he was totally honest with her the entire night, and... he wasn't harsh about anything. He also didn't force himself to try, like Mario did sometimes. Still, maybe she was reading too much in. She simply decided to put it on the back burner. As they all sat around eating, since almost everyone was there by now... there was a commuting calm amongst everyone, until...

"YO, I CAN'T SEE SHIT!!"

"I told ya, man... ya can't take that much of it at one time... i'm still getting' it right..."

Everyone's heads snapped to the conversation between Luigi and that Pokemon Trainer dude... man, i'm callin' him Red just to keep it simple... as they were talking about Luigi's new drug, quite loudly, Lucario came and sat on the other side of Travis. There was a spot open, there? He must've still had Freshmenitis...

"...Bastard tried to catch me this morning... can you believe that? Whatever that stuff is, it's messing with his brain heavy..." came from Lucario, as he waited for Mama...

Travis looked over at Lucario, then said simply "I just wanna fight... time seems to be torturing me."

That absinthe's aftershock must've worn off... he was feeling back to his old, battle-hungry self... he was going to get up and go, but Samus grabbed his arm and sat him down... he, of course threw her an alarmed, curious look, once she did...

"You're bored aren't you? Want me to help you warm up?" Samus then let go of his arm...

Travis had only two speeds, you see... fighting/surviving speed and let's screw speed. What do you think he thought of, hearing that from Samus? He got a rather cool grin on his face, and gave a nod, getting up with her now, and pretty much leaving, under the almost-unnoticeable gaze of Peach...

"So then... to your room...?" Funny, he was speaking pretty subtle for what he thought...

Samus raised a brow, saying slowly "Uhhh... no... of course not..."

She took him outside actually, and they just walked a ways, talking to each other and what not. Why would Samus talk along the way? Travis's short attention span, of course. They reached a pretty beautiful field actually, which even got Travis to look around and give an appreciative gasp. Once he got over the beauty of the place, he gave that same cool grin again, and started unbuckling his belt and all, getting an odd look from Samus, pretty much...

"What the hell are you doing?" She asked, trying not to yell in anger...

Travis froze, then looked over at her... "Uhhh... we were gonna do it, right?"

With that, he caught an energy whip to the face, which pretty much made him let go of his pants and grab his face... so he fell back with a thud, pants down, hands over his face, and whimpering a little. With an angry scoff, Samus was leaving, about to just let him lay there in the grass and flowers in his boxers, with a bloodied nose. Yes, she got him right on the nose. He got up, though, rather quickly, pulling his pants up and trying to catch up to her, calling for her.

Samus whipped around, fuming... "What!? What do you want, you horny bastard!?"

"I misunderstood... I guess you were gonna practice with me...?" He started trying to catch his breath a little more, now.

She looked over at him, then sighed "Yes, but I really don't feel like it now..."

Travis knew that it'd violate his 'two-speed bike of power and awesomeness' but he asked her lazily "Well... as long as you know what time it is... wanna hang out in this field?"

She almost genuinely smiled... almost. "Well... alright... I guess we can."

Travis flopped down again, this time with pants on... Samus sat down beside him, leaning back and looking up at the clouds... it was rather nice, being able to just relax, instead of fight aliens and things of the like... still, she was a little mad about Travis immediately thinking that she wanted to jump his bones... so after a few silent minutes, she simply punched him in the ribs...

"Owch, damn! I apologized before! ...Didn't I?" Travis rubbed his ribs a little, as he laid there...

Samus grumbled a little "No. No you didn't. You asshat."

Travis simply gave a sigh, and then looked over at her, as the wind began to blow... he looked over at her, and felt himself almost swoon. Did he really just almost do that? Though he did feel himself almost do it the first time he'd thought he'd made Silvia happy too... so what she's his brother's wife? Perhaps he and Mr. Sir Henry Motherfucker can have a talk. Though...

"All kinds of guys want you, don't they?" He asked her curiously, as he continued to stare...

Samus scoffed as she ripped some grass up and threw it in the air "Well, yea. What, you do too?"

Travis said boldly, simply, just like she had started her sentence "Well, yea. What'd you expect me to say, huh?"

She looked over at him, a mixture of surprise, curiosity, and frustration... "I wasn't hoping you'd just say it so bluntly... then again, it took guts. Really, i'd like to be friends with you, though..."

It certainly put a damper on him... clipped him in mid-step you could say. Then again... there was a 50-50 chance that he could still get with her. That's what being friends meant, right? Or was it that it meant they didn't really wanna be with you at all...? Either way, the fact that she said it still surprised him... at least he'd still be able to associate with her, and whatnot. That would be good enough. She was rather kick-ass, after all...

Travis sat up a bit, looking half-eyed behind his sunglasses... "I see. Well, I guess that friends is better than nothing."

Samus wanted to say something, but she just stayed silent. She could feel that she bruised him emotionally just by saying what she did. Why should she care, though? She meant what she said. You all are witness to that, you know. She wasn't going to take it back, Travis was a pretty interesting person to be friends with, when there weren't mindless fights to be had... she admired that. She admired that? Well alright then. So for the rest of their time out there in that field, they were rather quiet, only saying one or two things to one another. They would talk about the sky, the clouds, the flowers... then it got to the point of where they had to go.

"Travis... don't tell anyone that we shared such a morning..." The words actually quietly came out of her...

Travis threw up his arms, grumbling frustratingly "Damn it, every time I enjoy myself with a lady, they always, ALWAYS say don't tell anyone!"

Samus stifled a laugh, putting a hand on his shoulder "Shut up and let's go... you're such a loser..."

Travis raised an eyebrow... "I thought you said I was cool, last night..."

She coughed quietly "Lying..."

With that, they both began back to the mansion, Samus filling him in on his competition, and Travis pretending to listen, pretty much. Yea, once they got to the front door, she gut-checked him. Oddly enough, she could tell when he was really listening or not. Then again, Travis is kind of a cool idiot, so it wouldn't be heard to tell. Anyway, as he waved by, so that he could go and ride off to the destination himself, she decided to fuck with his head, and blow him a kiss, to which he froze, and grinned... then caught the energy whip to the nose again. Yea, that was a great send off, I must say. To say the least, Travis ran off to the side of the building and dive jumped onto Schpeltiger, skiddin' that bitch into a 180, and taking off... then he remembered, as he abruptly stopped and almost flew off...

He didn't know how to get there...

End of Chapter 3

Special and many thanks to Zindakku Hirokai for reviewing. Also, to you, Teros, for the alert. I rather liked this one. Travis is having such a hard time keeping his mind in the 'two-speed bike of power and awesomeness' state. Well, the match is next chapter. Of course the player wanted to use Travis one more time, to get the mechanics... who knows, might enter the tournament with him? Haha! Anyway, see y'all later, those who read this.


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